Self Doubt


3 Hours and 40 Minutes

That’s the time I need to beat in order to qualify for the Boston Marathon.

The first time in my life that I ever remember having people doubt my abilities was when I registered for my first Ironman (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run…in under 17 hours). The amount of hurt/anger I felt from hearing people say, “You can’t do that. You’re crazy.” was enough to motivate me to train harder than I’ve trained for anything in order to make it to that finish line. And I did. In 2011 I finished my first Ironman in 14 hours and 44 minutes. And in 2012 I completed my second 140.6 mile race. Then, in 2013 I ran my first 50K, and in 2014 I finished my first 50 mile ultra marathon.

When I decided a few months ago that I wanted to try and qualify for the Boston Marathon, instead of having people tell me there was no way I could do that, most people have responded with, “Well, I’m sure you can do that if you really want to.” And they REALLY believe that I can. 

So, why is it that I’m not sure I believe I can?

On Saturday I was scheduled for a 5 mile “pace run.” I had a full day, and ended up running the 5 miles on my treadmill around dinner time. Two miles into the run I felt pretty bad and was filled with an overwhelming amount of self doubt. Thoughts like, “What are you thinking? You’re never going to be able to run 26.2 miles at this pace. You should probably just quit now…” were filling my head. I pushed through the run, and was able to remind myself that not every run is going to be easy. And I went back to remembering all of the people that believe I can reach this goal.

I am so thankful to be surrounded by people who believe in my abilities, even in those moments when I’m filled with uncertainty. 

Am I going to qualify for Boston this year? Who knows. But I’m going to give it my all.

Sparkle.Pounce.Be a Dreamer. 


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