What do I want to accomplish?

On Sunday, I’m running the Lansing Marathon. I. Am. Terrified.

I have told a few people about how nervous I am, and these are the responses that I’ve received:

-You’re in great shape!
-You’ll be fine.
-You’re an Ironman, you got this.
-You did a 50K. What are you worried about?
-This is a walk in the park for you!

I assure you, none of the above statements are helping to calm my nerves.

I am doing everything I can think of to overcome my fear and distract myself. Pinterest has been useful, as I browse motivational quotes to get me in the right state of mind, remembering that the body can do whatever the mind allows. I am even working towards dedicating every mile to someone. (I am still looking for volunteers for this! So let me know if you’re interested.)

But even with that, I still find myself feeling a bit nauseous about the whole event. Why is that? I am confident that I can finish, but the real question is whether or not I will be strong enough to finish in the fashion that I hope.

And that brings me to face the reality that I’m too scared to even admit what I’m hoping to accomplish. There is a BIG part of me that would like to finish in under 4 hours. (OMGoodness….I just said that out loud.) BUT, I really don’t know if I trained hard enough to make that happen. And, if I allow myself to have that goal, am I going to be devastated if I don’t reach it? Will I fall apart mentally and become a crying, whining, mess of a girl if I’m behind my goal pace? It’s happened before! And I don’t want it to happen again. It’s not a good feeling and I guarantee you that it isn’t good for anyone within a one mile radius of me either!

So, I’ve been taking the easy way out and telling myself (and everyone else) that I just want to set a PR. That means I need to finish in under 4:21. That’s a BIG difference from what my heart is really hoping for.

So, for now, I’m left with a decision to make. How uncomfortable am I willing to be? Surprisingly, I STRONGLY dislike being uncomfortable. Most of my workouts are completed with ease and I rarely allow myself to linger in the area of “I think I might puke” for very long. Sunday’s marathon just might be the time for me to see how far I can push myself…

Just Try.  Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.


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