I’m Just Not Ready

Today, my inner dialogue is battling between two voices. As usual, one of them is focusing on the positive, and the other…well, it’s pretty whiny and annoying. Here’s a peak into what that sounds like:

Unconscious, habitual thoughts:

I do not want to go back to work tomorrow. It’s not fair. School doesn’t even start for two weeks, why do I have to go back tomorrow?! This sucks. I’m not ready. How am I going to juggle work, prepping healthy food, my training schedule, hanging with the family, getting enough sleep, and maintaining sanity?! I am not ready for this…again. I wish I could work from home. Is there a job I can do and work from home? And, speaking of home, I really miss my house. Seriously! I want to live in my own house. Sighhhhhh….

Counter thoughts that I must FORCE into my head:

I am so lucky to have a job which allows me to have summers off. Not many people get that time at home with their kids. And I’m blessed to have a job where I get to have such a positive impact on the lives of children. They need me! And I work with some amazing people that I am looking forward to seeing. And even though I have been unable to live in my house for over 6 months, I still have a place to live, on my property. And that’s pretty great. And I’m strong and healthy, and even though this all seems really overwhelming, it’s the 14th year that I’ve gone through these same feelings at the end of the summer. I CAN do this. Again.

Please tell me that EVERYONE goes through this. That I am not a negative person, but rather, human. Are there people out there that don’t have thoughts similar to this? I want to believe that this is a struggle we ALL have in common. What separates us is our response to these thoughts. For me, I am able to fight them off, for the most part. And I have great friends that I can share them with, who will respond with a mix of “you can do it” and ” I know. Let’s drink wine…” and that is exactly what I need. I need to be lifted up, and I need my feelings to be warranted and to know that I’m not alone. 

Today, I’m feeling all the feels. Reminiscing about a wonderful summer that is coming to an end, and trying really hard to be thankful for this change in seasons. For without change, it is impossible to grow.

 


Sparkle.Pounce.Let Life Live Through You.

-Kendra

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